Holy Sorry
When Judas, who had betrayed him, saw that Jesus was condemned, he was seized with remorse and returned the thirty pieces of silver to the chief priests and the elders (Matthew 7:23).
Regret
The past few months, I have been listening to Scripture aloud as I rock my son to sleep. My heart keeps reflecting on Judas’ response to sin. Judas was “seized with remorse.” Other translations say “deeply regretted” and “filled with remorse.”
I am waking up to how often I mistook regret as repentance, and I am in recovery from a broken view of the Father. For me, admission of imperfection used to mean standing before an unjust judge who wanted to punish me. It felt safer to keep my faults in the dark — either deny I had faults, remain silent with fear from impending anger, learn from the faults that were too overt to ignore, and try really hard to not mess up again in the future. [Are you also observing the stages of grief here, too?]
A vein of truth got twisted up inside of me. It is true that “the wages of sin is death,” yet there is a reason that the clause is not finished until the Apostle Paul writes: “but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord” (Romans 6:23).
The Book of Romans says, “His kindness is meant to lead you to repentance.”
Our Father is kind. Have you heard that before?
The Gift
Jesus did not say, “Regret, for the Kingdom of God is at hand.” He said, “REPENT, for the Kingdom of God is at hand” (Matthew 3:2, emphasis mine). The Apostle Paul further writes, “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us,” (Romans 5:8).
And as the verse from Matthew has been repeating in my thoughts, I have felt the Holy Spirit speak this to me:
Regret before God is not repentance. Regret is not holy.
Repentance is a gift.
Holy Sorry
I will let you take your own Holy Spirit adventure, but for me here are a few questions that I ask Him:
Holy Spirit, what do you want me to repent from?
Holy Spirit, what is Jesus’ view of repentance?
Jesus, what is the Father’s view of repentance?
Here is the place I try not to over think it — I just say something like this to our Lord:
Holy Spirit, come and search my heart. Reveal to me now anything you desire to free me from that is separating me from you.
Wait on Him — He loves bringing darkness into the light, and He loves freedom. He will speak.
Father, I come to you in the name of your Son Jesus and boldly approach Your throne of grace, and I repent from ______ (insert here whatever the Holy Spirit revealed to you). Thank you that while I was still a sinner, Jesus, You, died for me. I ask for Your blood to cover each of these sins I have confessed, and I close any door I opened to the enemy through my partnership with sin.
Father, what do you have for me instead?
Thank you for freedom! Empower me, Holy Spirit, to be victorious over this. In Jesus name, I put on Christ! In Jesus’ name. Amen.
Regret is bondage. Repentance is freedom.
